I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
