how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I checked into jail on foursquare
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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