He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
