we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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