Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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