went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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