It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
