you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
