I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
