i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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