dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cut my penus on the lid.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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