We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
