I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
