I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
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Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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