sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
