at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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