you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
