The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
