The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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