I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
