At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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