I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
