matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
