Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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