I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.