I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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