Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up