I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "