We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???