Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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