You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's the barista slut.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
