this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
