Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
