When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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