my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
