Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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