My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I could make wine with my vomit
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I want her autograph on my taint
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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