ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
