How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
