Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
