You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I want is dick and wine.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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