After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
