New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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