Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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