I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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