My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
