She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
