but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
