How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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