Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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