just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's official drugs can't kill me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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