so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
