i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
