guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
4 words: hood of his car
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
