Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
