ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
