I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
