I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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