I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
