I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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