youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
