Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
