thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
