Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
