I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
