If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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