She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
