He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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