in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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